Sunday, April 12, 2009

the subject tonight is love

As I get older I think I begin to grasp and gain an better understanding of love.

Several things in my life have come together,
they are small
but I hope I would be able to take a hint.

Last night, I learned something from a dream
is not possessive, it is fulfilling in its self and its nature
it is a pure source
and its nature is hope.

I have wondered once if it can sometimes be enough to just love. Even in the nature of it being unrequited the very state of the emotion is compelling and beautiful. If it is love, it is beautiful, and it is worth it. It brings out the best in us, it learns us, it inspires selflessness and again, hope.

But when a connection is made,
its as if that person was always in your life and you wondered why you hadn't noticed it before.
there is peace, and a trust.
there is a sense of wholeness that is not self-fulfilling or dependent in anyway.

I know this is idealistic
and i know infatuation is not special
but i do know this kind of Love is.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Forward to the Beginning

When I was little
I used to think clouds stayed in one spot.
I love days like this,
Windy and bustly,
The sun shines bright
And the blue true dream of sky is before me
I find shade from the harsh rays of sun
And watch the clouds move
That I once thought so stationary.
I have all the time in the world.
I love days like these.

I don’t know what I want this blog to be about.
And I don't know what I want to get out of it,
or anyone who happens to read or stumble across this place.
But the point of the matter is I am compelled to write,
and this place will serve as an occasional outlet for that drive.

I found this on I really like it, at the time it made me think of a friend and i.

Its been good to be home. I really cleaned up! Seven different kinds of tea and all sorts of awesome treats, wow, being home is fun!! Ha. Today we went to a local farmers market which was awesome, it was so small but still a lot of fun and I wish the area around my school had one…maybe they do, I should check! Its been relaxing I took no homework with me so I’ve just been hanging out which has been soooooo nice.
I’ve realized lately I really really like taking photographs. I’ve taken my camera everywhere this trip even to grocery stores and I used it so much I wore out the battery in 3 days! (I forgot the charger).
Annnnnnddd I tried to roast marshmallows with just matches the other night…it kinda worked out..(not really) now delicious(my computer) has a scortch mark on it….yayyyyyy =/. But it was fun in the moment!!

I will admit I look a little insane..

On a different note,
I have found myself in a strange place
The tables of my reality, which I was becoming so of sure, have
Have flipped dramatically
And maybe that's a lie
Maybe I was never sure of them.
All I know now is that I’m kinda going though a self-discovery of sorts. (Which I guess college is for.)
Which entails a lot of things
But it entails adventure
Which I have found is one thing that excites me.
There is so much life
I want to, I need to go and find out things
Fill in the grey areas.
I want to know my favorite ice cream flavor,
I want to know my favorite colour,
I want to be able to see the world.
If I know myself perhaps I can know my place
And then see things as they really are.

Monday, April 6, 2009

i once was fearless







"Just in case, I will leave my things packed
So I can run away

I cannot trust these voices I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to that can bring me sweet release
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?

Empty spaces with shadows hit by streetlights
Warnings signs and weight of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out
Every word they speak.

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work "


because i don't think i could put where i'm at in better words than this

Friday, April 3, 2009


"I have a great analogy for you. Do you have a dollar or something?"

"Uhhh... I have a quarter"

"Yeah yeah. That's perfect. Okay hold the quarter in your hand. Now, tell me, how much is that quarter worth?"

"...25 cents?"

"Right. Now, throw the quarter on the ground."


"Kay, stomp on it. Just yell at it. Tell the quarter that its stupid and worthless. Anything you can really think of, just say something terrible...Is there anything you can say or really do that can change the fact that that quarter is worth 25 cents?"


"Quit trying to think around it."

"No. No, I can't."

"Right, nothing can change it. Its 25 cents. Just because it thinks its 5 cents or a penny doesn't make it one. And it goes the other way too, a quarter can't be a dollar. Its not a choice and its not up to it to decide, or anyone else for that matter."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

dream echoes

"you are asking me to actually give life a real shot."

"yes.... I'm telling you."


took this on his camera. i had forgotten that i took it.