ikimasho!

i am bound to adventerous spirits.

dear die-ary,

"there's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going."

I wanted to tie this moment
onto a piece of string
and wear it around my wrist
as a bracelet,
preciously loving it
forever.
But then i remembered, that
this moment loves its self!
So i painted it a pair of wings
and untied it.
and to this day it still comes to visit
and over a cup of tea
we laugh together.




weheartit.com

so many commitments
unmet.
lack of discipline,
and self-regard.
loosing myself
in the collective
consciousness
that taste of dislike
realizing that every denial
is a step away
from dismantling shame
I cannot take anything
from you,
I can only give
honesty.

bitter work

ugh. ...this is the best part...



In pursuit of self-preservation
we have lost our will to fight
to believe
to stand up in who we are
I can never deny that which makes us who we are
that which makes me who i am
consciousness
living and breathing every moment
the moment i start dying is the moment
I must leave you
before all I am is killed -- destroyed
and there is no life left
what is self-preservation,
when it kills us?




stop it!!
the doubts of destruction and self-preservation fill my head.
imagined fairy tales crack and bend
seeping holes pour out latent dreams
only to fall into my hands
to create
or to destroy
Enjoy it!!
was what you always said.



When you fall in love with the wind,
it is a tempest which encompasses your heart
diverting any navigational hope
you may have.
Who falls in love with the wind
and hopes to hold on to it?
to hold it?

You tell me,
God can be held in your hands.
That they can only be fathomed
not through the trees
or wind
or the heartbeat of light-
but through paper
artifical organization
and mental manufacture
That the spirit is not
felt through experience
But by being told what to feel.
I like to thik I can look
into every man and tree,
and see a great ocean in us all
built of a love
that once breathed the first heart.

Random musings on christmas eve 2009,

1. I think i dislike Christmas. At least American Christmas. Is that sacrilegious? Un-ordinary...? Do i care anymore? No, not neccessarily. Did i just spell neccessarily wrong? probably.

2. I really dislike wrapping presents, especially on christmas eve at one in the morning.

3. But seriously, i'm really tired of this cycle of produce-consume-consume-do things faster better stronger. I dislike christmas because i feel like these things are emphasized during this time. Convenience, family-making your family convenient.

4. I believe convenience has killed the spirit of man.

5. I want to drop out of college.

6. Did i mention i dislike Christmas?
I am whimsical, yes, i love fairy tales, yes, i love magic and happiness and wonder and beauty and hope, yes. Christmas? Not currently. It it a commercial holiday? probably.

7. i'm tired. And the wrapping on these presents looks terrible.

8. I feel like its sad that some of my family judges me and their present on how well i did on the wrapping.

9. I'm over this holiday.

10. I might sound like a cynical bitch right now. I don't care. I'm happy.

11. Really.

12. Daddy i'm so sorry, i'm so so-so-sorry yeah. We just like to party like to pa-pa-pa-party yeah.

I cannot promise to you that I will live a life that is not mine.

The stars I count above my head
Seem to grow and multiply
With everything I haven’t said

Reasons to stay awake
Are easy to find
I’ll chase the day break
If the minutes are kind

And if time brings me to you
Perhaps stars will stop growing
And overwhelming the blue
Till they all come down pouring
We’ll be in a sea of light
That day we will laugh
We’ll eat up the night
(And swim in a glitter bath)

Come paint the sky
We’ll name the stars
Come we’ll cry

Clap clap clap
Listen to this music, feel the beat too.
Feel the rhythm I feel in you.







weheartit.com








I was in the mood for lions tonight.


1. been listening to passion pit for the last oh hour or so

2. I made the best french toast ever today.

hello

weheartit.com



And i know it will be a while
till i get unstuck from your smile
I can't wait till we meet
and my floating heart comes back to the street.

Through these photographs and stories
painting all these allegories
to a tale I have yet to see
IN this moment I let it be

Because this excitement is great
and this is thrilling
but in this moment i just can't wait

And i know it will be a while
till i get unstuck from your smile
and i feel i already know what kind of fellow
you are before we (even) say hello.



1. So i decided everybody i know is getting home made lip gloss and tea for christmas. YAY! be excited! Except ONE of my friends might get a shirt, and ONE of my friends might get a kazoo..or a bracelet. We shall see.

2. I conquered a fear tonight! A fear of singing/performing infront of a judge! Go
me!





weheartit.com

3. The poem above will hopefully become a song over this winterbreak

4. This winter break is going to be long...classes start in febuarary. (i am happy for this)

5. The worst of finals are over!! YAY!!!

6. Everything I want to be, I already am.

7. I want to go to celle ligure.

8. No i actually want to go to tokyo

9. I'm actually pretty happy right where i am.

10. I wrote a song today about taking viatmins.

11. MY COMPUTER WILL BE FIXED SOON. and then i can finish my song about taking vitamis!

12. I truly believe beauty comes from loving yourself first.

OWL CITY!



google images

WOW!


I AM THE ONE THAT READS THE BOOK!

I decided I am going to create a job for myself. And it is just going to be this all consuming all spewing artistic mess of a masterpiece...

yes! we can!

dearist taylor,

create more art
listen
feel this
feel all of this

from, yourself.

beautiful life

I'm searching for the courage to create.

The motivation to be who I want to be.

Its just waiting for me.

The stars hang heavy in the sky

with the sorrows i lay upon them

my little boat is coming so close

and rocking back and forth from

the weight of gravity they pull

if we aren't careful these stars will fall down

fall down on us

the sea overtaking the boat flooding

taking on water, quick boys grab your buckets!

swish slop swish drop fall further in to the sea.

the stars so laden with this sorrow

the pleasure of hiding that has taken a toll on our world

Ladies and gentlemen if you'd be so kind

its not outside yourself, but inside you'll find

the stars are falling down

falling down on you

the sea overtaking

and storm inside of you

the gravity of sorrow

drowning tomorrow

taking on water, quick boys grab your buckets!

swish slop swish drop fall further into the sea.

Its just waiting for me

the stars hang heavy in the sky,

the stars so laden with sorrow.

I am not living the life I asked for.

Maybe its because I am asking for it, and not taking it.

Worldismarble really needs to put out a CD.

.
.
.
.
.

.

.

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.
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.
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Current events:

Applying for internship in Japan

Walmart adventure this afternoon

Practicing monologue for Theater

Making a deserperate fight to pass Biology

About to make tea




Current desires:

Tea

Motivation

Time to make music

The realization that i have time to make music and art but due to my poor time organizational skills i don't have time.

Passion Pit CD

The ocean







Though technically that's a sea i believe..

This week has been just one huge fail when it come to discipline, haha.

Thanks to my best friend my room is almost all put away and clean now. Then I can go crazy and decorate!!! :-) :-D I am so excited!!

One thing about not having a job that sucks is not having money to spontaneously go places.

I would really like to go to say san francisco, like..tonight, butttt hey i have no money. I'm sure i could figure out some kind of cheap bus route that would take me like two days to get there but that's not too ideal.

What I really need is a sturdy sail boat.

I miss azusa so much!!!

I miss japan so much!!!

I need to go to APU soon and visit everybody. This needs to happen. Like soon. VERY SOON.

I guess that's basically been my week. Randomness with lack of discipline and missing a lot of things..

I gotta get ORGANIZED!! 

How can I expect to take over the world if I never get organized? Hmm?

new blog post, yayyyy.

This week wrapped up in words:

surprising

stressful

hopeful

loving

sad

breathing

time

relax

sleep

quiet

peace

fear

strength

discipline

special bonus round:

alice cooper

halloween.

gahhhh getting things put together in my room is killing me...

I have my bathroom all put together now i just have to continue with my beast of a mess in my room. Gah!

also; medical terminology test monday and bio test tuesday. x.x

can we say despair?

I saw Repo! The Genetic Opera yesterday and i have to say i almost instant fell in love with it. toteimo sugoi, ne?

Things that have been making me happy lately:

kari kari umeboshi

amazing friends

slowly but surely becoming more organized

tea

wednesdays

slurpees

skype

colours

humour x.x

feathers

I tried to make eyeshadow today using lipstick, lotion and this powdered shimmer stuff...hmmm it kinda worked out haha, it is more of a "liquid stain" than a powdered eye shadow...hmm but it was kinda fun and sorta worked nonetheless.

Still not organized enough to have time to do a webcomic. Maybe next month...which is in like a week. I mean hey, i'm not in a huge rush, I still have some story stuff I want to flesh out anyway.

Speaking of webcomics i loved questionable content this week. It was just seriously adorable.

I'm forgetting so much japanese its almost depressing..skype come to my rescue!! its only a 14 hour time difference!! And while your at it, could you provide me with a job that pays really well for doing nothing whatsoever? thanks!!

good life choices

Good life choices lately:

Showers in the morning

Breakfast

leaving enough time to get to school

leaving time to read

drawing

Honey facial masks... delicious too.

listening to the oldies station on the radio.

I drew a picture yesterday of a chubby girl flipping someone off saying uzai!! hahaha i love it. I'd post it on here, but i've been moving lately and don't have a scanner at the moment.

And i love skype.

I need to get my room put together its taking me foreverrrrr.....

hopefully when i get more settled i can start drawing a webcomic like i had originally planned this fall...yayyyy

and i need to finish the world ends with you:

Seriously!! And that's the truth!!!