ikimasho!

i am bound to adventerous spirits.

dear die-ary,

"there's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going."

I wanted to tie this moment
onto a piece of string
and wear it around my wrist
as a bracelet,
preciously loving it
forever.
But then i remembered, that
this moment loves its self!
So i painted it a pair of wings
and untied it.
and to this day it still comes to visit
and over a cup of tea
we laugh together.




weheartit.com

so many commitments
unmet.
lack of discipline,
and self-regard.
loosing myself
in the collective
consciousness
that taste of dislike
realizing that every denial
is a step away
from dismantling shame
I cannot take anything
from you,
I can only give
honesty.

bitter work

ugh. ...this is the best part...



In pursuit of self-preservation
we have lost our will to fight
to believe
to stand up in who we are
I can never deny that which makes us who we are
that which makes me who i am
consciousness
living and breathing every moment
the moment i start dying is the moment
I must leave you
before all I am is killed -- destroyed
and there is no life left
what is self-preservation,
when it kills us?




stop it!!
the doubts of destruction and self-preservation fill my head.
imagined fairy tales crack and bend
seeping holes pour out latent dreams
only to fall into my hands
to create
or to destroy
Enjoy it!!
was what you always said.



When you fall in love with the wind,
it is a tempest which encompasses your heart
diverting any navigational hope
you may have.
Who falls in love with the wind
and hopes to hold on to it?
to hold it?

You tell me,
God can be held in your hands.
That they can only be fathomed
not through the trees
or wind
or the heartbeat of light-
but through paper
artifical organization
and mental manufacture
That the spirit is not
felt through experience
But by being told what to feel.
I like to thik I can look
into every man and tree,
and see a great ocean in us all
built of a love
that once breathed the first heart.

Random musings on christmas eve 2009,

1. I think i dislike Christmas. At least American Christmas. Is that sacrilegious? Un-ordinary...? Do i care anymore? No, not neccessarily. Did i just spell neccessarily wrong? probably.

2. I really dislike wrapping presents, especially on christmas eve at one in the morning.

3. But seriously, i'm really tired of this cycle of produce-consume-consume-do things faster better stronger. I dislike christmas because i feel like these things are emphasized during this time. Convenience, family-making your family convenient.

4. I believe convenience has killed the spirit of man.

5. I want to drop out of college.

6. Did i mention i dislike Christmas?
I am whimsical, yes, i love fairy tales, yes, i love magic and happiness and wonder and beauty and hope, yes. Christmas? Not currently. It it a commercial holiday? probably.

7. i'm tired. And the wrapping on these presents looks terrible.

8. I feel like its sad that some of my family judges me and their present on how well i did on the wrapping.

9. I'm over this holiday.

10. I might sound like a cynical bitch right now. I don't care. I'm happy.

11. Really.

12. Daddy i'm so sorry, i'm so so-so-sorry yeah. We just like to party like to pa-pa-pa-party yeah.

I cannot promise to you that I will live a life that is not mine.

The stars I count above my head
Seem to grow and multiply
With everything I haven’t said

Reasons to stay awake
Are easy to find
I’ll chase the day break
If the minutes are kind

And if time brings me to you
Perhaps stars will stop growing
And overwhelming the blue
Till they all come down pouring
We’ll be in a sea of light
That day we will laugh
We’ll eat up the night
(And swim in a glitter bath)

Come paint the sky
We’ll name the stars
Come we’ll cry

Clap clap clap
Listen to this music, feel the beat too.
Feel the rhythm I feel in you.







weheartit.com








I was in the mood for lions tonight.


1. been listening to passion pit for the last oh hour or so

2. I made the best french toast ever today.